A LOOK AT LIFE-91

 A LOOK AT LIFE-91

BY-SMRUTI RANJAN MOHANTY

        I REPENT

My father!

Sometimes I feel 

You are not with me

You are somewhere else

Sometimes I feel

You are not my father

You are someone else 

Is it because

You don not love me 

The way I love you?

Is it because 

I ate the forbidden fruit 

Deviated from the path?

Is it because I acted contrary to your will?

Many a time I erred 

Many a time I did something

Which my conscience never approved 

Many a time I repented 

Many a time I apologized 

But committed the same mistake again and again 

Many a time I cried

Many a time I indulged in the same game 

Knowing well that I am committing a mistake 

My father! I have made a complete

Mess of my independence 

Neither I deserve nor wish to be independent 

Don't make me independent again

I do not know how to carry myself

Get over my instincts and passions 

I don't need anything that takes me

Miles away from my life and love

My Lord! don't leave my hand

I am in between the devil and deep sea

You may not forgive me

But don't go away from me

If you go away

How shall I live and why shall I live?

Who else other than you can drag me out

Of the spell of your maya.

My father! I do not know

What is my role in the cosmic drama of Yours 

Let your gift, my life on earth

Be nothing but a garland of your wishes

I know not

For what I am here 

Let nothing but thy wish be reflected

In my action and inaction, 

Thoughts, words and deeds 

I need nothing 

Have no desire to be a Udhab

A Sanat Kumar or Sudama

Just make me specks of dust at your feet

Bless me to surrender 

The way Draupadi surrendered at your feet

Love you the way Gopis loved you

Throw  me wherever you wish

Heaven or hell does not matter 

It is thy wish I respect by all means 

I am not bothered where I am 

But never let my mind waver even for a minute

Let it be always at your lotus feet

Smrurti Ranjan Mohanty©

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