SOMETHING I LOOK AT-96

 SOMETHING LOOK AT-96

BY-SMRUTI RANJAN MOHANTY

I AM A WIDOW 

Do i need to be told

what to do, what not to,

how should I look,

what to wear, what to eat,

how to interact and conduct 

in this heartless world of yours?

For you

he was just another man,

a friend in the fair weather.

You have lost just a friend.

Do you know what have I  lost?

I have lost my whole world.

With him gone my wishes,

my passions to live a life.

But I am breathing,

breathing for the sake of his love

to keep him alive 

Have you ever fathomed 

a woman's love for her husband.

No man has ever been able to do so

and you are just another of the same species.

You can never understand

what he meant to me.

I don't even expect you to understand.

Lett me live with my tears.

They are exclusively mine.

Let them drench me with all his colours.

Even at the cost of the world, its wealth and splendour I can hardly part with it, part with my emotions, my feelings,

half of my heart and soul.

Do you doubt my integrity?

If at this age if you need a woman,

what is the wrong if i go for another man.

If a man can marry after the death of his wife,

why can't a woman.

Is this world only for men,

their whims and caprices?

Don't think

I will be a prey to someone's passion.

There is none in this world

who stands equal to my man,

at least for me

he is head and  shoulder above others.

Men should understand 

Women better read them, their body language and unusual showers of love.

Change the way you think,

or else you will only burn yourself 

And you

being a woman,

I expected you to stand by,

but you only added to my misery,

made my wounds fresh and  bleed more.

Do you know what is in store for you in future?

If you are not with me,

never come to my life, add to my sorrow,

make my bleeding heart bleed more.

People

I call my own,

from you, my expectations were too high.

You never came forward

when i needed you the most.

You never solved my problems,

you can only end up adding a few more.

Can you refrain from giving me advice

and let me live on my own?

Leave me alone

I know how to stand on my legs and withstand life, its ebb and flow tide.

Neither I need your sympathy, compassion nor I have an ear to what you say.

I know my rights and.

understand my obligations.

To do justice to my role as a mother

I will never be in black and white,

reincarnate with all my colours 

and will never allow my kids to suffer.

If at all Iam to make a compromise between love and life,

I will choose the latter

with my heart always beating for my love.

©smrutiranjan 15.8.2018

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